Karen Ware Jackson
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Trying to be a Faithful Family or "Why are we up so early?"

4/24/2017

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​“Mom! Easter sunrise breakfast!” called my bleary-eyed but excited daughter. Since anticipation is part of the fun, I told her about our new tradition before she went to sleep on Saturday night so she was ready to hold me accountable the next morning. “We’re still doing it, right?”

With two clergy parents serving different churches, Sundays can be a bit hectic for our family. And EASTER Sunday? Well, let’s just say the bunny doesn’t visit our house. He’s too tired.

But I want Easter to be special. I want it to be about more than egg hunts and baskets. I want it to be about more than church. I know that sounds strange, but my kids get a LOT of church – and they love it. We love it. We need it. A Christian community that worships, prays, learns and serves together is vital for faith development.

But we can’t just read the Bible at church. And my kids need to hear me pray not just at the front of the sanctuary, but at the dinner table and the bedside and even (sometimes) early in the morning, wrapped up in blankets in the front yard.  Because the most important faith mentors in the life of a child are not their Sunday School teachers or their youth group leaders or even their pastors. Children learn faith from their families – from their parents and grandparents and all the many beautiful iterations of kinship.
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Parents, if we want our kids to know God, if we want our kids to love Jesus, if we want our kids to feel the joy of Holy Spirit or learn the holy stories, it’s on us. It’s a big responsibility (even for pastor parents, believe me), and it does require a little thought and effort (even for pastor parents), but it’s not a burden. And it doesn’t have to be hard. God is all around us, and opportunities to weave faith into our daily lives abound.

That’s why I love Traci Smith’s new book, “Faithful Families.” She offers simple, powerful practices for all the ordinary and extraordinary moments of family life. From long car rides, interminable rainy days, and mealtime mania to birthdays, new schools, and even times of tragedy and grief, Smith does most of the thinking and a good bit of the work to provide a ceremony, a prayer, a discussion, or an activity to make it holy. Her work is easy to access and adapt to fit the rhythms of different families. If you spend 5 minutes with this book, you’ll find something that makes you say, “we’ve gotta try that!”

Easter is a busy day for us, but it doesn’t mean we don’t have time for each other. So we gathered the powdered sugar donuts, mixed the chocolate milk, poured the coffee and set out across the front yard to find the perfect spot to watch the sunrise.

“Early in the morning, while it was still dark the women set out for the tomb…” I began the story.

“Just like us! It’s early! It’s dark but it’s getting light…” my 4 year old son interrupted.

Yes, just like us.
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What To Do When a Noisy Family Comes to Church

2/22/2016

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Smile - even if you’re nervous and don’t know how to deal with children, even if you’re annoyed that kids kick the pews, even if you worry the baby may scream and interrupt the sermon, even if you wonder why they didn’t take those kids to the nursery, especially if you are happy they came to church. Because you’ve been blessed with the chance to be like Jesus - to teach and listen and care for the littlest among us.

​Here’s how:
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  • Say a prayer that Christ will open your heart to the wild, wiggly, shy, kind, thoughtful, silly, sweet children in your church. Then go where God leads - even if it means moving seats to get close enough to interact with that family (you know the one, with kids that are always crawling all over the pews or toddler that sings potty songs during the silent prayer).
    We all need help. We all need to experience the love and grace of Christ from another person. Guess what? If you are reading this, that person is YOU!

  • Introduce yourself, and not just to the grown-ups! If your body will cooperate, crouch down or sit so that you and the child are on the same level. Offer your hand for a shake or a high five. Say what you wish to be called- whether it’s Mrs. Roper, Mr. Pete, or Grandma Sally - and ask their name.
    Some children might be too shy to respond so you may need to ask an adult later, but pay attention to the child and be patient. Remember their names (and ages and whatever else you learn about what makes them unique and wonderful). Don’t be afraid to write them down.


  • Kids very rarely arrive to church empty handed, so look for their hands. Has he brought in a special toy? Make sure to introduce yourself to Mr. Bear, Pretty Baby, or Big Truck. Do she have a pack of crayons? Grab a pencil that you can pass along when those crayons end up on the floor, and make sure she has enough paper. Does he have a book? Ask, “What are you reading?” or “Can I see the pictures too?”
    Show interest in the things that they love.


  • Look the kids in the eye and SMILE. Whether we are 1 month, 1 year, 11 years, or 100 years old, eye contact = connection. You can generate a lot of joy with a game of peekaboo! Babies, preschoolers, even older children enjoy a special wink or a silly face.

  • Help the family follow the worship service. This can be as simple as finding the right page in the hymnal or the bible, or helping young readers find their place in prayer.
    Children also benefit from simple explanations and visual cues, so use yourself as a model for worship. “This is how I pray, with my hands open and eyes closed. Can you show me how you pray? Let’s help Mr. Bear pray.”


  • Point out interesting things in the worship space - like stained glass windows, banners, the baptismal font or altar rail. Make sure to direct their attention to important moments in the service -like the priest breaking the bread or the pastor reading the gospel.

  • Draw a picture of the scripture and give it to to the child. Don’t worry if you aren’t an artist. Remember, a picture (and the effort and intention) is worth a thousand words, especially to a child.

  • Make sure to pass the offering plate to the kids. Everyone has gifts to offer to God - it might be a picture or a stone or a hug - but we all need the chance to give. We dishonor children and God when we assume they don’t have anything to offer. Extra points if you help them prepare their gift so they are ready for the offering moment.

  • If you are willing and able, ask if you can hold the baby. If the adults are wrangling multiple children, often the baby is the easiest to hand off. Even with one child, a caregiver can appreciate a few minutes to focus on their own needs.
    Help out by gathering up the toys and getting juice (or coffee) during fellowship time. There are many reasons why parents may refuse, but a genuine offer of help is always appreciated.


  • Give special treats. Many of us have fond memories of church folk who always had a peppermint or stick of gum to share with kids in church. Take note, snacks can be a great way to connect and keep kids quiet, but you should always ask parents before offering food.
    Stickers, crayons, even paper clips from the bottom of your purse can be a novel toy! What counts is not the treat, but the relationship that grows in giving and receiving.


  • Say, “I’m glad you are here. It's important for kids to come to church.” (This is true, so say it like you mean it!)
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In all these things, seek to build a relationship with the family. You probably won’t be able to use all these tips on the first Sunday, but if you are blessed to join them in worship for a season, you will be amazed at how you all grow in your worship of our wild and wondrous God. And it all begins with a smile and a prayer!

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Images from Covenant Presbyterian Church - Columbus, OH. Photo credit - Betsy Patterson
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Why We Mark Kids (and Adults) With Ashes

2/8/2016

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PictureAsh Wednesday Family Image by RubyDW - used with creative common lisence
You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

The hand moves with careful deliberation - down, then across - a coal black cross marks each head turning back toward the pews. I move forward in line, my body swaying with the rhythm of the murmured promise, my infant daughter babbling quietly against my shoulder.

Finally, I stand before my dear friend and she marks my face with the ashes - last year’s hosannas returned as this year’s dust - the cycle life and death contained their oily grit. Before I turn back to my seat, she looks down at my little girl and I remember I brought her here for a reason. As I shift her tiny face toward this glorious woman, a cry of glee bursts from her baby lips. My friend with the ashy fingers is her friend too, and their faces shine like the sun as they meet in the Wednesday evening darkness. 

In an instant, this solemn moment when we honor the good and holy truth of death becomes one of life and joy. As it should be. The sign of the cross, the symbolism of the ashes, it all points to life as well as death - but it took a child to show me the truth: God holds our beginnings and our endings. 

 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

It is powerful to affirm my own mortality, but it is something altogether different to tell my lively daughter that she will die someday. How can we explain the power of these words to children? How do we help them understand the goodness of death without being too macabre?

Even now, five years later, as I gaze upon this girl whose being is so full life and joy and glitter and rainbows, who skips and twirls and sings through her days, I cannot imagine a world without her. And yet, that will be. Thank God I have no idea when, or where, or how, but she will die. She - who was created out of star-dust - will return to earth-dust. Her precious body will blow upon the wind and nourish the new life out of the loamy soil, as will we all.

In life and in death, you belong to God.

This truth breaks my heart, and also makes me whole. Because - more than a truth - these words are a promise. In life and in death, in sunshine and in rain, in baby’s cry and in old age’s sigh, in joy and in tears, my daughter belongs to God. I cannot protect her from death any more than can protect her from life, but I can entrust her to God.

You are God’s beloved child, now and forever.

These are words of death, but also words of life. They are words of belonging and identity that my daughter needs to hear. Because she will die someday. More than that - she will live through pain and shame and world-shattering disappointment and sole-rending grief. She needs to know that there is never a moment when she is without God’s care. No matter what. Even in the fire, even after the fire when only ashes remain, these too are God’s. 
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And so I entrust her to God, just as I entrust myself to God. And as I speak these words on Wednesday, I will mark the cross in ashes and entrust each precious body I touch to our Creator.

God created you from dust, and to dust and to God you shall return.

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Top 10 Reasons We Can't Worship With Kids

2/3/2016

2 Comments

 
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In my workshops, I often ask folks to complete this sentence: "We can't worship with children because..." And let me assure you, we have no trouble coming up with a long list of reasons why kids should should stay out of the sanctuary.
  1. They are too loud!
  2. They are too wiggly.
  3. They might light the church on fire.
  4. Their parents want to worship in peace.
  5. They are in Sunday School (or Kids Choir or Children's Church).
  6. They have a soccer game (or karate tournament or art class).
  7. "They disrupt the sacredness of the sanctuary."
  8. It's too boring.
  9. It's too hard to engage them because kids are so different from adults.
  10. They don't understand.

I don't mean to make light of these fears because they are both honest and (usually) true. Kids are loud and messy. They have a tendency to ask questions at inopportune moments. Church can be boring for kids (and adults too)! Children can't understand the language and symbolism in much of the service. But how much of worship - the intersection of divine glory and human awe - do any of us truly understand? Christina Embree says, "{church is} a total package.
And much of what is included in that package is not comprehended through the mind, but through the heart."

Worshipping with kids isn't easy. It's important that we recognize the challenges so that we can also embrace the gifts children bring to our church. Make sure to read part 2: "Top 10 Blessings of Worship with Kids."

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5 Ways Kids Can Transform Your Church

1/29/2016

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PictureBread of Life + Glitter = Disco Grace

Children in a sacred space can be distracting, but worship is not about our experience – be it beautiful or broken. Worship is about God. 


It is not always easy to welcome these wiggly wanderers into our sanctuaries, but when we do, kids transform our worship of the Living God with their unique gifts:

  1. Their glee - Whether they channel their inner rhythmic gymnast with ribbon sticks during a hymn, pass the peace with high fives, or offer heartfelt prayers for a lost teddy bear, kids season our sensible service with surprising depth and mirth. Kids fidget and interject. They dance and sing. They color and clap. They listen and ask questions – and they do some of these things at unfortunate moments. 
    But no matter how crazy or loud or messy the kids get, God arrives anyway. On the wings of glory and giggles, the Spirit calls children to interrupt our worship routine, to help us take ourselves less seriously and to embrace the holiness of spontaneity.


  2. Their glitter - Children are rarely empty-handed in worship. They may scoot in with stuffed animals and snacks or grab for the pencils and hymnals in the pews, but kids tend to keep busy. This is how they learn and process their surroundings, but it’s also how they praise God, and you can join them! Look for what the kids are holding.
    With fists full of goldfish, glue, glitter, or grace - once children bring the sparkles into the sanctuary you can never get them out. Ever. Every week, someone leaves baptized with a little disco-Jesus-love, marked with the cross of fabulous grace. Don’t be afraid to get a little messy.


  3. Their greed - Children arrive at the communion table eyes wide with holy anticipation, hands outstretched for a great big hunk of Jesus the Bread of Life. And then they come back - like little Oliver Twist - “Please, may I have some more?” 
    Kids hunger for God. How might our church be transformed if we all approached the throne of grace with that soul-rumbling hunger?


  4. Their generosity-  Kids pass the sacred bread around God’s table just as they do the hallowed markers, the venerable scissors, and the revered glue-sticks - because there is always enough to share. This is one of the great lessons of childhood that we tend to neglect as we mature.
    We teach our children to share even when - especially when - they don’t want to. Whether it is a special toy, a new box of crayons, or bag of halloween candy, children learn to take turns and give of what they have. In a culture that screams “more! more! more!” kids remind us that when we share, we all get enough.


  5. Their grace - This October for World Communion Sunday, I planned a solemn and moving liturgy recognizing the brokenness in our church and our world, calling on Jesus to make us one through the bread and cup. But God and my two year old son had other plans. As I began the prayer, he grabbed a rainbow ribbon stick and began running down the aisles, big sister on his heals, both of them laughing with wild abandon. I could have been frustrated and grumpy that the kids ruined my liturgy, but I chose to smile and laugh. We cannot control the actions of children (or anyone for that matter), but we can choose how we respond.
    Instead of looking down at the words of my well-crafted prayer, the children shifted my focus up and out to this fearfully and wonderfully made Body of Christ - old and young, middle-class and working poor, black and white, native-born and immigrant - relishing the in-breaking of Holy Spirit, united in God’s Holy Presence, freed to worship Christ in grace and truth.


When we move the children out of the sanctuary, we worship blindfolded. It might be easier to hear the Word but it’s harder to see holiness of the whole Body of Christ worshipping together. 

So the next time kids ruin your worship, will you sigh and start crafting an email to their parents or the pastor in your head, or will you chuckle and start looking for the Spirit in the midst of the mess?

Choose freedom over frustration. Choose grace. Allow the little ones to transform you into something bigger, more beautiful and more powerful than you ever imagined - the Church.

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How Our Littlest Members Make the Biggest Impact

1/25/2016

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“Potty” is not a word you typically hear in a sanctuary. Potties are for preschoolers and mommies, for sticky fingers and training pants, for lisped emergencies and unseemly accidents. A “potty” does not belong among the pews and polished shoes of our most sacred spaces.

But there it was - like nails on the chalkboard of our nice, smooth church service. “Mommy, can I go to the potty?” Every head in the congregation whipped toward my three year old, shifting their focus from the proclamation of the Word to the proclamation of the potty.

I wanted to sink into the crimson carpeted floor - or rush her out the side door - but I couldn’t. Because I was in the middle of preaching my first sermon in a new church! With my husband serving another congregation and room full of strangers giggling nervously or rolling their eyes, I continued, determined to preach the gospel - regardless of preschoolers and their bathroom needs.

As my daughter skipped down the center aisle, carrying her sparkly little purse  and our orderly worship with her, an unfamiliar older woman slipped out of her pew in hot pursuit. And we all breathed a sigh of relief. ​
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Because we are the Body of Christ and sometimes part of the body has to pee, but that does not make her worthless. Sometimes part of the body can no longer climb the stairs to the sanctuary, but that does not make him obsolete. Sometimes parts of the body might need an oxygen mask, or a hearing aid, or crayons, or an extra explanation, but that does not make them a nuisance and it certainly shouldn’t keep them out of worship.

Children are a loud and messy part of the body. Their shrieks pierce our holy silence. Their pencils skitter across the floor. Their whispered questions sound more like shouts. Their cracker crumbs infest every crevice within 10 feet of their squirmy little bodies. 

Kids crunch and cry and crawl up into our holiest of spaces, and God meets them there. God meets us there,”Let the children come to me.”Jesus gathers the little ones into his arms and implores us all to join them in their wonder, their joy, their hopefulness - even their messiness - "for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs" (Mark 10:14).

On my first Sunday at this wonderful little church, my daughter distracted us from our order of worship, but she could never distract us from God. When she and her new  80 year old friend marched back up the aisle hand in hand, beaming with holy delight, we all felt the embrace of the Holy Spirit drawing us into community, nestling us into the very heart of God.
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Our littlest members can make the biggest impact in transforming our church into what God calls us to be - a messy and miraculous body of believers. So the next time a child pulls your focus from the liturgy or the sermon or the prayer, look for God. In the grandfather’s smile, in the mother’s coos, in the sister’s laugh or the friend’s helping hand, God is there, welcoming the little ones - and the big ones too!

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