Karen Ware Jackson
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What To Do When a Noisy Family Comes to Church

2/22/2016

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Smile - even if you’re nervous and don’t know how to deal with children, even if you’re annoyed that kids kick the pews, even if you worry the baby may scream and interrupt the sermon, even if you wonder why they didn’t take those kids to the nursery, especially if you are happy they came to church. Because you’ve been blessed with the chance to be like Jesus - to teach and listen and care for the littlest among us.

​Here’s how:
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  • Say a prayer that Christ will open your heart to the wild, wiggly, shy, kind, thoughtful, silly, sweet children in your church. Then go where God leads - even if it means moving seats to get close enough to interact with that family (you know the one, with kids that are always crawling all over the pews or toddler that sings potty songs during the silent prayer).
    We all need help. We all need to experience the love and grace of Christ from another person. Guess what? If you are reading this, that person is YOU!

  • Introduce yourself, and not just to the grown-ups! If your body will cooperate, crouch down or sit so that you and the child are on the same level. Offer your hand for a shake or a high five. Say what you wish to be called- whether it’s Mrs. Roper, Mr. Pete, or Grandma Sally - and ask their name.
    Some children might be too shy to respond so you may need to ask an adult later, but pay attention to the child and be patient. Remember their names (and ages and whatever else you learn about what makes them unique and wonderful). Don’t be afraid to write them down.


  • Kids very rarely arrive to church empty handed, so look for their hands. Has he brought in a special toy? Make sure to introduce yourself to Mr. Bear, Pretty Baby, or Big Truck. Do she have a pack of crayons? Grab a pencil that you can pass along when those crayons end up on the floor, and make sure she has enough paper. Does he have a book? Ask, “What are you reading?” or “Can I see the pictures too?”
    Show interest in the things that they love.


  • Look the kids in the eye and SMILE. Whether we are 1 month, 1 year, 11 years, or 100 years old, eye contact = connection. You can generate a lot of joy with a game of peekaboo! Babies, preschoolers, even older children enjoy a special wink or a silly face.

  • Help the family follow the worship service. This can be as simple as finding the right page in the hymnal or the bible, or helping young readers find their place in prayer.
    Children also benefit from simple explanations and visual cues, so use yourself as a model for worship. “This is how I pray, with my hands open and eyes closed. Can you show me how you pray? Let’s help Mr. Bear pray.”


  • Point out interesting things in the worship space - like stained glass windows, banners, the baptismal font or altar rail. Make sure to direct their attention to important moments in the service -like the priest breaking the bread or the pastor reading the gospel.

  • Draw a picture of the scripture and give it to to the child. Don’t worry if you aren’t an artist. Remember, a picture (and the effort and intention) is worth a thousand words, especially to a child.

  • Make sure to pass the offering plate to the kids. Everyone has gifts to offer to God - it might be a picture or a stone or a hug - but we all need the chance to give. We dishonor children and God when we assume they don’t have anything to offer. Extra points if you help them prepare their gift so they are ready for the offering moment.

  • If you are willing and able, ask if you can hold the baby. If the adults are wrangling multiple children, often the baby is the easiest to hand off. Even with one child, a caregiver can appreciate a few minutes to focus on their own needs.
    Help out by gathering up the toys and getting juice (or coffee) during fellowship time. There are many reasons why parents may refuse, but a genuine offer of help is always appreciated.


  • Give special treats. Many of us have fond memories of church folk who always had a peppermint or stick of gum to share with kids in church. Take note, snacks can be a great way to connect and keep kids quiet, but you should always ask parents before offering food.
    Stickers, crayons, even paper clips from the bottom of your purse can be a novel toy! What counts is not the treat, but the relationship that grows in giving and receiving.


  • Say, “I’m glad you are here. It's important for kids to come to church.” (This is true, so say it like you mean it!)
    ​
In all these things, seek to build a relationship with the family. You probably won’t be able to use all these tips on the first Sunday, but if you are blessed to join them in worship for a season, you will be amazed at how you all grow in your worship of our wild and wondrous God. And it all begins with a smile and a prayer!

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Images from Covenant Presbyterian Church - Columbus, OH. Photo credit - Betsy Patterson
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Meeting God in the PrayGround

2/17/2016

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​I gave this 5 minutes talk at the Association of Presbyterian Church Educators conference in January. It's "the story of a little church making space for God to bring new life out of death." It gives a little background into how we began embracing cross generational worship, and also WHY this is bringing new life to our church.
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Why We Mark Kids (and Adults) With Ashes

2/8/2016

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PictureAsh Wednesday Family Image by RubyDW - used with creative common lisence
You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

The hand moves with careful deliberation - down, then across - a coal black cross marks each head turning back toward the pews. I move forward in line, my body swaying with the rhythm of the murmured promise, my infant daughter babbling quietly against my shoulder.

Finally, I stand before my dear friend and she marks my face with the ashes - last year’s hosannas returned as this year’s dust - the cycle life and death contained their oily grit. Before I turn back to my seat, she looks down at my little girl and I remember I brought her here for a reason. As I shift her tiny face toward this glorious woman, a cry of glee bursts from her baby lips. My friend with the ashy fingers is her friend too, and their faces shine like the sun as they meet in the Wednesday evening darkness. 

In an instant, this solemn moment when we honor the good and holy truth of death becomes one of life and joy. As it should be. The sign of the cross, the symbolism of the ashes, it all points to life as well as death - but it took a child to show me the truth: God holds our beginnings and our endings. 

 Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

It is powerful to affirm my own mortality, but it is something altogether different to tell my lively daughter that she will die someday. How can we explain the power of these words to children? How do we help them understand the goodness of death without being too macabre?

Even now, five years later, as I gaze upon this girl whose being is so full life and joy and glitter and rainbows, who skips and twirls and sings through her days, I cannot imagine a world without her. And yet, that will be. Thank God I have no idea when, or where, or how, but she will die. She - who was created out of star-dust - will return to earth-dust. Her precious body will blow upon the wind and nourish the new life out of the loamy soil, as will we all.

In life and in death, you belong to God.

This truth breaks my heart, and also makes me whole. Because - more than a truth - these words are a promise. In life and in death, in sunshine and in rain, in baby’s cry and in old age’s sigh, in joy and in tears, my daughter belongs to God. I cannot protect her from death any more than can protect her from life, but I can entrust her to God.

You are God’s beloved child, now and forever.

These are words of death, but also words of life. They are words of belonging and identity that my daughter needs to hear. Because she will die someday. More than that - she will live through pain and shame and world-shattering disappointment and sole-rending grief. She needs to know that there is never a moment when she is without God’s care. No matter what. Even in the fire, even after the fire when only ashes remain, these too are God’s. 
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And so I entrust her to God, just as I entrust myself to God. And as I speak these words on Wednesday, I will mark the cross in ashes and entrust each precious body I touch to our Creator.

God created you from dust, and to dust and to God you shall return.

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Top 10 Blessings of Worship With Kids

2/5/2016

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It can be challenging to worship with children, but it is also supremely glorious to worship as a whole, holy Body of Christ. In fact, when I ask people to list the blessings of worship with children, I always receive an enthusiastic and varied response. Here are some of my favorites:

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​It is a blessing to worship with children because...
  1. "Their eyes and hearts are wide open and their wonder is vast."
  2. "They humble us and help us focus on the hope of our future."
  3. "They bring life and freshness to worship that completes our church family."
  4. "They ask such great and genuine questions."
  5. "They remind us of our baptism and the promises we have made to nurture and teach."
  6. "They make the congregation feel alive, especially when thy make connections in the sermon."
  7. "They remind me to look at things as a child." Mark 10:13-16
  8. "They teach me things at the same time they are learning things."
  9. "They see and understand things differently, which helps us see and understand things differently."
  10. "They worship with abandon."

What I love most about worship with children is how it changes the adults. Kids free us to be a little silly. They allow us to do things we wouldn't normally do - like dance or color or blow bubbles or listen to a storybook - because "it's for the kids."

Guess what?
It's not just for the kids. Children learn by listening, seeing, and doing - and so do adults!

When the child behind you sends her entire bucket of crayons skittering across the floor, grab one for yourself. Draw the story of the scripture or try to distill the message of the sermon into a simple picture. Give it to the child - but not before you let that image take root in your own heart.



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Top 10 Reasons We Can't Worship With Kids

2/3/2016

2 Comments

 
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In my workshops, I often ask folks to complete this sentence: "We can't worship with children because..." And let me assure you, we have no trouble coming up with a long list of reasons why kids should should stay out of the sanctuary.
  1. They are too loud!
  2. They are too wiggly.
  3. They might light the church on fire.
  4. Their parents want to worship in peace.
  5. They are in Sunday School (or Kids Choir or Children's Church).
  6. They have a soccer game (or karate tournament or art class).
  7. "They disrupt the sacredness of the sanctuary."
  8. It's too boring.
  9. It's too hard to engage them because kids are so different from adults.
  10. They don't understand.

I don't mean to make light of these fears because they are both honest and (usually) true. Kids are loud and messy. They have a tendency to ask questions at inopportune moments. Church can be boring for kids (and adults too)! Children can't understand the language and symbolism in much of the service. But how much of worship - the intersection of divine glory and human awe - do any of us truly understand? Christina Embree says, "{church is} a total package.
And much of what is included in that package is not comprehended through the mind, but through the heart."

Worshipping with kids isn't easy. It's important that we recognize the challenges so that we can also embrace the gifts children bring to our church. Make sure to read part 2: "Top 10 Blessings of Worship with Kids."

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