Kids Talking in Church and Running in the Halls?

the author, giving the universal sign for "quiet please" - Note the smile with closed lips :)

Good news! You have children at your church! And if they dart around chattering and giggling, they feel happy and comfortable within your community and your building. Good job church! Of course, these behaviors can be distracting and sometimes dangerous, so here are some tips for supporting kids as they learn how to behave in a church community:

Your goal is to problem solve, not punish.  If the child is doing something dangerous (like running through a crowded hallway or sliding down a bannister) intervene. Be careful to support, not scold.

• If the behavior isn’t an immediate risk, make a plan. It is better to speak to the family, teacher, or pastor about getting a small group of interested adults together to talk through the situation.
  Create a consensus of what behaviors to expect of children at certain times and places within the church. When kids receive consistent support from adults, they learn appropriate behavior more quickly. An agreement also helps you know when to step in and when, in the immortal words of Elsa, to “let it go!”
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• If a kid gets particularly restless during a quiet moment, try using a silent cue to help the child calm down. A certain amount of noise and movement is normal for children and part of their worship presence. Running in the aisles might not work for your church, but find ways for kids to worship with movement.
  It is also important for children to learn when to be quiet and still. It is vital that the gesture be both silent and kind (see picture above). A child or parent who feels scolded will be defensive and hurt. If you feel comfortable, a gentle hand on a shoulder or moving to sit closer can help a child calm down and be still. 
  
  
• Redirection is a great way to quickly change a behavior. Try one of these tips to keep a child engaged in a worship service.  Or if your main concern is a Hunger Games cookie cornucopia during coffee hour, you might redirect the children with a special job. Instead of rushing to be the first to grab those yummy brownies, they could work together to serve the lemonade. Kids who try the run the gauntlet of 90-year-olds with canes might find purpose as a greeter, a door holder, or a “special escort” for their senior friends.
  By giving kids a job, you give them a role and a place within the community. You give them the chance to serve others, just like Jesus! This can be a powerful moment for the child and for the church.
  
  
• If you must call out to stop a particularly dangerous behavior, use the words for the action you wish to see. Say, “walk” instead of “don’t run.” “Stop” as opposed to “don’t light your friend’s hair on fire!”
  As in any other situation, eye contact = connection. Sit or crouch down to the child’s eye level so that you can interact in a way that is less-threatening. 
  Speak quietly and calmly. If you are too angry to speak kindly, you are not the person to intervene. Get help.
  Use the child’s name and state your concern. “Sarah, I’m worried you might hurt yourself or someone else.” Redirect. “Can you draw me a picture of you jumping? Later, we’ll ask your grown-ups if I can take you and your friends to the playground.”
  
  
• Call upon the Holy Spirit because you're going to need the patience of a saint! When children play in a safe environment they often get lost in their excitement. Be prepared to deal with these behaviors over and over (and over and over). And don't forget the rest of the fruits of the Spirit. You'll need plenty of love, joy, peace, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control too!
  
  

​Please note, each child, each family, each situation will be unique. Supporting children as they learn how to interact in a cross-generational community is never simple or easy. There are a host of reasons why a child may behave in a certain way - from a sensory processing disorder to a fitful night's sleep.  Make sure to connect with the whole family, and seek to be a friend. Play, laugh, and talk to the kids, so if you need to offer direction to create a safer or more considerate space, they will be ready to listen to you.

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